Talk Isn’t Cheap: Counting the High Cost of Communication in Relationships

Communication in relationships is more than words that we speak and hear. A trite saying suggests that “talk is cheap.” Although the phrase has more to do with the importance of following up on one’s word with verifiable actions, our words are costly. Words retain the ability to shift realities. We can respect the power that our words usher into atmospheres by committing to speak God’s Truth, yet always in love and with wisdom.

We don’t need to say everything that we think or feel, but we can learn when and where it is appropriate to share. The pattern of our society permits speech that harms when we disagree with others and want to unburden ourselves of an unsolicited opinion. In doing so, we desensitize ourselves to the impact of harsh words.

When we prevent the Holy Spirit from tempering our tongues, we demonstrate our preference for impulsivity over integrity, allowing the flesh to control our actions instead of esteeming our brother or sister. The Lord is inviting us to let love rule, and that includes governing the unruly tongue that wants to have its say (James 3:5-12).

Unlearn

Beginning with the Holy Spirit helps us to take inventory of our hearts. Before we can bring change, we have to embrace and embody it by partnering with the Holy Spirit to reshape our communication practices.

We can unlearn destructive patterns and practice healthy communication that honors God and those made in His Image. Active listening, the practice where we not only hear messages but also engage with others, through reflecting and paraphrasing, ensures that we understand them.

In a society that is divided along deep fault lines, we must recognize the weight our words embody. They carry more than the consequence of forming factions or friendships but rather leverage eternal impacts.

Healthy communication requires that we pause long enough to pace our emotional response. Slowing down allows us to gather data, not only through words but also through non-verbal cues. We interpret all that we observe through the lens of the Holy Spirit and respond with a heart of wisdom.

I am the Lord your God, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt. Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it. – Psalm 81:10, ESV

Unction

Jesus has given us His Holy Spirit to equip us for everything, including the things that pertain to our natural lives and the development of godly character. Without spiritual fruit, we risk hasty judgments that yield consequences we can’t always undo.

God trusts us with words; and His Spirit will tug on our hearts, alerting us to an unction or urge to say, do, or refrain. We may need to pause and pray, then resume a conversation later. However, there are also times when He will prompt us at the moment when we need to speak.

Learning to rely on the Holy Spirit’s guidance through this intimate kind of relationship doesn’t occur overnight, but is rather tempered through prayer and practice, time and trial. He is the Spirit of revelation, wisdom, and understanding who gives us immediate counsel and the might that supports the overall health of our relationships (Isaiah 11:2).

While the Holy Spirit graces us for communication in relationships, we practice regulating our emotions and our responses in real time and in the context of real relationships. We can be sure that we will not always get it right, but when we approach communication from a heart of love and honor, our intentions shape the process and results that follow.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. – James 3:17-18, NIV

Unify

Wisdom gives us insight into fostering a connection with those we value. It alerts us to where we need to pose questions and follow up on what we don’t comprehend. It provides a godly vantage point, enabling us to make better sense of a sister or brother’s words and actions. Even when we don’t understand, wisdom will pace us to cover them in prayer and love unifying us as a Body.

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. – Colossians 3:14, NIV

Next steps for improving communication in relationships

Just as we learned patterns of unhealthy communication, we can unlearn them. This doesn’t come automatically; but rather with the Holy Spirit’s assistance to fill our mouths with what to say and how to pray. You can also work with a trained counselor in Wylie, Texas, to develop communication strategies that support healthy relationships.

Use this site to search for a trained professional at Wylie Christian Counseling and make an appointment. You will find the tools and techniques needed to communicate in ways that wisely convey the Father’s heart, yet through your words.