Help! My Husband is Depressed

It is common for men who are depressed to express frustration with understanding and expressing uncomfortable feelings. Men may be tempted to override depression’s signs, believing they need to seek a doctor to treat physical symptoms such as intestinal distress, headaches, or insomnia. They may experience the previous signs in addition to moods marked by irritability and anger.

Practical Strategies to Support Your Depressed Husband

Because of the historic stigma attached to mental health, men may experience guilt and shame compounded with the signs and symptoms of begin depressed. Treating and navigating depression requires more than cultural phrases to “man up” or “shake it off,” but we can embrace spiritual truth and practical strategies for help when our husbands may be depressed.

Prayer.

We can support our spouses with prayer. The principle of prayer appeals to God to act on our husband’s behalf. The practice of prayer submits to God, reaching where words alone don’t do enough. The power of prayer lies not in prayer, itself, but in the One to whom we pray, and inclines his heart to receive outside help in places where he might have rejected it. Overall, the powerful effects of praying to the God of the Bible can help our husbands when they are depressed.

Provide a safe space.

Provide a listening ear without judgment or defense. Avoid personalizing his experience, as it may have little to nothing to do with you. What he is enduring may indicate unresolved hurt from other people and seasons of life that are now resurfacing and interfering with his daily function.

Allow him to broach difficult topics as they come up without cutting him off, criticizing, or emasculating him. Encourage him with appropriate verbal and nonverbal cues that convey your willingness to listen, befriend, and champion his well-being.

Play together.

You can be a safe space for reflection. That doesn’t have to be restricted to emotionally-charged exchanges. Incorporate recreation that will get you up and moving in shared time. Joint activity such as exercise or physical movement increases endorphins in the bloodstream. This heightens our sense of well-being, making us feel better inside and out.

Protect his heart.

Avoid oversharing sensitive information. Even if the listener’s intentions seem pure, sharing the private thoughts he has entrusted to you exposes him unnecessarily. While you might think it’s minuscule, compromising his confidence revokes the trust that sustains a marriage.

Consider whether he would volunteer the same vulnerable information. Although our prayers of agreement produce powerful results, you can still invite trusted others to pray without revealing intimate details that would uncover the part of his heart reserved for you.

The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:11-12, ESV

Protect your peace.

Life won’t be this way forever, but while it is, protect your heart as well. Nurture peace by obtaining mental and emotional health and support. Loving a family member through a mental wellness journey can deplete anyone’s strength. The Lord is with you, but you must replenish with soul and self-care. Part of being a suitable help mate may require you to fill up with life-giving activities that feed and fuel you.

Bring everything to God. The Holy Spirit is the best secret keeper. As the Spirit of Truth, He will navigate you to resources, including those on this site that you can share. Furthermore, He will help you to process all through the lens and light of God’s Word. You don’t have to bear the load alone. The words of Jesus remind you that He intends for you to cast worries and burdens on Him (1 Peter 5:7; Matthew 11:28-30).

Next steps

Society conveys unrealistic expectations for men to be superhuman. The Bible, however, outlines God’s divine blueprint for identity that conforms to the Image of Christ and graces our husbands for godly masculinity.

Our Savior can’t meet us in our place of need when we are committed to being the superhero in our own story. Jesus came for this reason, binding His strength to our weakness. His grace meets us and our men in the place where it’s needed (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Jesus relieves the crushing weight that descends in the gap between our circumstances and the challenges of human frailty. There are times when your husband’s expectations and his experiences will not follow what society dictates.

Both of you can answer those demands and his depression by seeking Christ as Wonderful Counselor and professional support. Search the site, schedule with a counselor, and find help for yourself and your husband’s depression.