Relationship Issues Archives | Wylie Christian Counseling

Important Signs of Gaslighting to Look Out For

Important Signs of Gaslighting to Look Out For

Jennifer KooshianApril 30th, 2024|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Trauma|

Our world is full of spin. It’s often hard to tell if someone is being truthful with you, or if there’s some unseen angle in their actions. Being able to find secure relationships, rooted in love and truthfulness becomes more valuable because it’s rare. When gaslighting occurs in a relationship, it undermines reality and the flourishing of that relationship. What is gaslighting? The term “gaslighting” comes from a 1938 play called “Gaslight,” which was later adapted twice into a movie in the 1940s. In the play and the movies, the husband of a young woman slowly and deliberately manipulates her into believing that she’s becoming insane. She doubts her reality, questions her memory of things, and begins distrusting herself. Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and psychological abuse in which one person causes another to question their memories, sanity, or perception of reality. It is a form of control that breaks down the other person and their ability to trust their intuitions while making them increasingly dependent on their abuser. Gaslighting often occurs over time and might be absent at the beginning of the relationship. It can occur in romantic relationships, but it can also be present in work situations, in the parent-child relationship, in interactions with political figures and institutions, and the doctor-patient relationship as well. How gaslighting affects a person Gaslighting sows self-doubt and confusion in another person. That is how the abuser is able to gain control of the other person. When a person is told consistently that they are crazy, imagining things, confused, oversensitive, or wrong, that can result in many negative mental health effects. Gaslighting results in a person questioning their beliefs and reality, low self-esteem, confusion, isolation, as well as feeling powerless. Additionally, being gaslighted results in feeling anxious, struggling to trust yourself [...]

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Talk Isn’t Cheap: Counting the High Cost of Communication in Relationships

Talk Isn’t Cheap: Counting the High Cost of Communication in Relationships

Jennifer KooshianApril 15th, 2024|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Relationship Issues|

Communication in relationships is more than words that we speak and hear. A trite saying suggests that “talk is cheap.” Although the phrase has more to do with the importance of following up on one’s word with verifiable actions, our words are costly. Words retain the ability to shift realities. We can respect the power that our words usher into atmospheres by committing to speak God’s Truth, yet always in love and with wisdom. We don’t need to say everything that we think or feel, but we can learn when and where it is appropriate to share. The pattern of our society permits speech that harms when we disagree with others and want to unburden ourselves of an unsolicited opinion. In doing so, we desensitize ourselves to the impact of harsh words. When we prevent the Holy Spirit from tempering our tongues, we demonstrate our preference for impulsivity over integrity, allowing the flesh to control our actions instead of esteeming our brother or sister. The Lord is inviting us to let love rule, and that includes governing the unruly tongue that wants to have its say (James 3:5-12). Unlearn Beginning with the Holy Spirit helps us to take inventory of our hearts. Before we can bring change, we have to embrace and embody it by partnering with the Holy Spirit to reshape our communication practices. We can unlearn destructive patterns and practice healthy communication that honors God and those made in His Image. Active listening, the practice where we not only hear messages but also engage with others, through reflecting and paraphrasing, ensures that we understand them. In a society that is divided along deep fault lines, we must recognize the weight our words embody. They carry more than the consequence of forming factions or friendships but rather leverage [...]

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How to Cope With Divorce: Finding Support

How to Cope With Divorce: Finding Support

Kate MotaungNovember 21st, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

It’s never easy changing direction in life or giving up on a dream. When you get divorced, there’s a sense in which your life starts anew, with new possibilities. Divorce is often painful, but that pain can shape you in positive ways and toward a deeper appreciation of God’s love. The unexpected ways divorce affects you. When you enter a marriage, you do so with certain expectations. Some of these are legitimate and get fulfilled, for good or for ill, while others aren’t met at all. With a divorce, the same holds true. You may have expectations of what it’ll be like, and these are shaped by media, the experiences of friends and family, and your imagination. The following may be unexpected ways that divorce affects you: It leaves a void in your life. Whatever your marriage was like, losing your spouse is like losing a limb. You’ll feel their absence in your life, by missing them, feeling free, or a strange mixture of both. It can feel liberating. Not having a spouse can feel liberating because you don’t have to account for your time, money, or movements in the same way as you do when married. It is like death, and it brings grief. Your marriage may have been a hard one, and while you may be relieved to be divorced, it is still a loss. You’re foreclosing on a particular future and dream, and any divorce, even when justified, grieves God because that’s not His intention for us (Matthew 19: 1-12) It can make you feel like you’ve failed, or even that you are a failure. If you’re a disciple of Jesus, and even if you’re not, divorce feels like a failure in the relationship. It can affect you and make you feel like you’re a failure [...]

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Help! My Husband is Depressed

Help! My Husband is Depressed

Kate MotaungJune 8th, 2023|Depression, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

It is common for men who are depressed to express frustration with understanding and expressing uncomfortable feelings. Men may be tempted to override depression’s signs, believing they need to seek a doctor to treat physical symptoms such as intestinal distress, headaches, or insomnia. They may experience the previous signs in addition to moods marked by irritability and anger. Practical Strategies to Support Your Depressed Husband Because of the historic stigma attached to mental health, men may experience guilt and shame compounded with the signs and symptoms of begin depressed. Treating and navigating depression requires more than cultural phrases to “man up” or “shake it off,” but we can embrace spiritual truth and practical strategies for help when our husbands may be depressed. Prayer. We can support our spouses with prayer. The principle of prayer appeals to God to act on our husband’s behalf. The practice of prayer submits to God, reaching where words alone don’t do enough. The power of prayer lies not in prayer, itself, but in the One to whom we pray, and inclines his heart to receive outside help in places where he might have rejected it. Overall, the powerful effects of praying to the God of the Bible can help our husbands when they are depressed. Provide a safe space. Provide a listening ear without judgment or defense. Avoid personalizing his experience, as it may have little to nothing to do with you. What he is enduring may indicate unresolved hurt from other people and seasons of life that are now resurfacing and interfering with his daily function. Allow him to broach difficult topics as they come up without cutting him off, criticizing, or emasculating him. Encourage him with appropriate verbal and nonverbal cues that convey your willingness to listen, befriend, and champion his well-being. [...]

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Family Issues in a Blended Family

Family Issues in a Blended Family

Melissa PlantzMarch 23rd, 2023|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

The day is finally here! You are remarrying, and shortly, the love of your life will become your spouse for the rest of your life. The future looks bright. The two of you are perfect for each other, and you cannot imagine being with anyone else. It can only go up from here, right? But somewhere in your mind, you wonder if your new blended family will work. You both have children from previous relationships (which means both may have ex-spouses). It worked for the fictitious Brady Bunch, but will it work for you? Don’t wait until your wedding day to prepare for a blended family. Learn about the common family issues blended families face and work together as parents to make the transition smoother. This is your new family, and you can make it full of love and understanding. Blended family issues of concern Typically, it may take a blended family two years to become accustomed to the changes, the stepparent, and the family dynamic. In addition, it takes time to bond with stepchildren and to grow their trust. Even before you say, “I do,” you may already be experiencing family issues in how your significant other manage your children and their own, how your children respond to their future step-siblings, and how your exes are handling your relationship. Do any of these family issues sound familiar? When you don’t get along with the ex Things did not work out between you and your former spouse, which is why you are no longer married. Maybe you still cannot agree on topics regarding the children. Or, your ex is possessive and does not like your new spouse. It could be that your significant other’s ex is jealous and dislikes you from the get-go and seems to have made it their [...]

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Will I Ever Get Married? Considerations for Navigating Purpose and Partnership

Will I Ever Get Married? Considerations for Navigating Purpose and Partnership

Kate MotaungJanuary 13th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Marriage Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Few questions burn a place in the human heart besides knowing the purpose and having meaning in our lives. Discovering our life’s call is one of the most pressing mysteries that our souls seek. Learning how to walk in that purpose unlocks answers as well as more questions. For single believers, connecting with the right partner serves to advance God’s plans for His kingdom and our lives whether they ever get married or not. As we walk with the Lord, the questions of purpose and partner may tug at our consciousness as family and friends’ weddings and dates may have come and gone with no spouse for us. Agitation pokes at our peace, bringing with it a longing for our own match among the millions. There may be legitimate circumstances that have deferred our hope of getting married such as extended schooling, focus on a career, or what seems like a wilderness when it comes to available, eligible partners. When marriage and the milestones we’d hoped for seem to be on a long delivery, it causes us to question if we will ever get married. It’s no surprise that the enemy tries to insert wedges into the cracks of our mental and emotional weariness. During waiting seasons, his suggestions accuse God of withholding good from us and persecuting us for not being further along in our relationship goals. It can be demoralizing when a fizzled or non-existent dating experience leaves us with fewer prospects and less inspiration than when we began. It erodes our esteem, making us feel undesirable. It frustrates us, leaving us anxious that the very thing we desire will continue to elude us. Like Adam and Eve, we may be tempted to take our heart matters into our own hands when we feel as if God [...]

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Three Components of Effective Communication in Your Marriage

Three Components of Effective Communication in Your Marriage

Kate MotaungSeptember 28th, 2022|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Effective communication is an important part of any relationship. It helps ensure people are connected and understood. This is even more important in a marriage. But just because it’s important doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There are times in a marriage when communication feels hard. Maybe it’s because you don’t agree on something. Maybe it’s because you need something different from what your spouse is offering. Other times you may not even know why the communication feels off; you just know that you feel disconnected. The good news is that communication is a skill that can be learned and built upon over time. Instead of feeling like you just can’t seem to communicate, you and your spouse can work together to build effective communication that serves both of you and draws you closer to one another. Why effective communication matters On some level, it is clear that communication is important. It’s often one of the most discussed elements of relationships. But knowing it is important won’t help you understand why it’s important. And the why is what helps you work for better communication even when it feels challenging. The way you relate to your spouse affects your relationship and more. Some examples of why communication is important are to: prevent misunderstandings work through misunderstandings build respect increase trust remove the need to guess or assume save time increase self-understanding and respect build satisfaction foster growth learn about your partner and yourself reduce stress and anxiety These benefits of communication help you build a stronger, more loving marriage that is less stressful and more beneficial for you and your partner. Elements of effective communication Communication within your marriage involves more than what you talk about. While talking is a key component, you also need to think beyond the verbal to [...]

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